Since everything on here has been dark, dark, dark, on the few times I do post(SO trying to fix that, top three things I need to do this year.) Now, listicles are aways fun, but it’s also cheap heat. Frankly, I don’t care. This idea has been stuck in my head, but unlike some ideas of mine(too numerous to mention) this one felt it had to come out. This list is completely arbitrary,a complete joke, and meant mostly to make you smile. If it doesn’t or I offend, please leave a comment. At least then I’ll know someone is reading this . Some of this might be obscure, it might not be. But, here goes.
1)Your favorite Van Halen singer is Gary Cherone
2)Your favorite Anthrax disc is Volume 8.
3)You really like the drum sound on St. Anger.
4)Your favorite nu-metal band is Crazy Town.
5)You have to have PBR at every show.
6)You only listen to metal bands mentioned on Pitchfork
7)You think the comments section on any metal news site is intelligent conversation if it lasts longer than twelve entries
8)Your favorite Black Sabbath singer is Dave Donato.
9)Your favorite Anthrax singer is Dan Nelson
10)You think Kid Rock is a metal artist.
11)You think Megadeth is better since Dave quit drugs and found god.
12)You archive and listen to Phil Anselmo interviews.
13)You like Five Finger Death Punch’s cover versions of songs.
14)Your favorite way to listen to metal is on cassette.
15)Your favorite type of metal shows are arena ones.
16)You think Lamb of God was better as an instrumental band.
17)You think Metallica is better since Load.
18)You prefer Sammy over Dave.
19) Your favorite Priest singer is Tim Owens.
20)Your favorite Mayhem singer was Dead.
21)You think Mayhem was better when Varg was in it.
22)Your favorite Celtic Frost CD is Cold Lake.
23)You think Nickelback is the best heavy band to ever come out of Canada.
24)You miss crunkcore and crabcore
25)You’ve lived in Charlotte and don’t miss Amos’s or Tremont.
26)You can’t name a metal band from your hometown, or where you live at.
27)You mosh at a show even when a band isn’t playing.
28)Your favorite Rainbow singer is Ronnie Romero.
29)You don’t listen to any metal made after 1990.
30)You don’t listen to any metal made before 1990.
31)You think WASP is better since Blackie found God.
32)You prefer Thin Lizzy’s version of “Whiskey in the Jar”.
33)You think Johnny Cash ruined both NIN’s Hurt and Soundgarden’s Outshined.
34)Your favorite Led Zeppelin CD is Coda.
35)You thought Anthrax sucked for wearing Jams onstage.
36)You think the worst nu-metal band was Rage Against the Machine.
37)You think Tool can wait a few more years before releasing a new record.
38) Your name is Bill Pitts(just kidding! Bill’s the best metal fan I know)
39)You’re over forty and don’t miss Metal Maniacs.
40)You think Lords of Chaos is a great piece of journalism.
41)You prefer Venom records made without Cronos.
42)You think Motorhead’s best songs are the entrances they did for Triple H.
43)You don’t think punk had any influence on metal.(I’m looking at you, Steve Harris)
44)Your favorite British metal band is Lawnmower Deth.
45)You think Mushroomhead is better than Slipknot.
46) You think Green Jelly is better than Gwar.
47)You think racism, sexism, transphobia or bigotry of any sort has a place in metal.
48) You use the term “female-fronted metal”.
49)You own Rob Zombie solo CD’s after the first two.
50)You get offended by anything on this list.
There you have it!